AUTO ADVERTISING RHETORIC

Define it as you please, or as the dictionary attempts to: rhetoric is an integral part of advertising, especially the automotive kind. Why? Automobiles are an emotional purchase. We aren’t talking toasters inside the front cover of Good Housekeeping, here. Some choice examples from MotorTrend April can be found below. Speaking of bad advertising, the Pittsburgh Penguins (most favourite team of mine) players in this YouTube clip are current Thrashers forward Colby Armstrong, Max Talbot, Sergei Gonchar, and Evgeni Malkin.

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“Speed records need witnesses. Thus, the four doors.” So says BMW regarding their iconic M3, shown here in a 4-door configuration. Catchy little phrase, isn’t it? Considering that BMW governs the speeds of its cars to 155 mph, speed records aren’t in your future.

“Rethink. Green is good. Saturn accelerates toward hybrid leadership.” General Motors might want to keep about planting the foot on the Saturn throttle a bit more heavily if that ‘acceleration’ ever wants to reach the ‘leadership’.

“Tested positive for performance enhancement. Admitted nothing.” Famed Mustang tuner Saleen advertises its S Series, with what they say is 460-620 horsepower. Unfortunately, a few pages later, MotorTrend tests a Saleen S281-3V. Dyno testing shows the Saleen is down on its power ratings and is only 0.2 seconds quicker than a stock Ford Mustang GT. A stock GT that costs $15K less.

“All coupes are not created equal.” Oh so true. For Nissan, the Altima Coupe is decidedly below equal. See The Good Car Guy’s Confessions from earlier today.

“And CAR is what makes a Pontiac a Pontiac.” Uh, thanks for clearing that up, Poncho. I really would’ve phrased it a different way. Maybe “Pontiac makes a Pontiac that is a CAR.” I dunno.

“Why can’t big be smart? Just something to rethink about.” As I keep finding more and more of these Saturn ads that encourage me to think about things for at least the second time (8 passengers and24mpg, for instance), I’ve started thinking about those disenfranchised Saturn ad viewers. What about all those people who are going to think about it for the first time? They might just feel awfully stupid for never having thought of it before. Poor folks.

“Great looks and it cooks too.” It appears as though Ford believes the Fusion is a looker. Questionable theory. Secondly, the ‘cooking’ may refer to the Fusion’s optional 221-hp V6 engine. Optional V6 engines in today’s midsize sedans are supposed to make a LOT more power. If the Fusion cooks, the Accord and Camry must possess industrial-sized BBQs.