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THE BAD 8 – PART VIII

SAAB 9-5

While neither pretty or ugly; fast or slow; cheap or expensive; poorly constructed or tough-as-nails, the Saab 9-5’s overwhelming mediocrity and unchanging attitude solidify its position in this oh-so-undesirable group.

Fifteen years ago I sat in the passenger seat of a Saab 9000. The throttle hit the mat, the turbo eventually spooled, and the kick in the back was unbelievable. Not much has changed in the last decade or two – except for the fact that the kick in the back is now completely believable. Stronger kicks are available elsewhere.

Whether its Beckenbauer or Beckham; Ronaldo or Ronaldinho, eventually everybody steps off the field for the last time. Saab has left the 9-5 on the table long past the time the coffee went stale and the Coca-Cola lost its fizz. The best before date sailed past many years ago.

It’s unlikely you will ever see a car facelifted as many times as the Saab 9-5 has been nipped and tucked in the last six years alone. In fact, few cars – if any – will ever see a model continuation cycle like that which GM afflicted upon Saab. What was once a more than decent car has become an oft-ridiculed, frequently-derided, overpriced mockery of the Swedish automotive industry.

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Alternatives: Audi A6, Infiniti G35, BMW 335i

Necessary Incentivizing To Switch To The Good 12: Buy a Saab 9-5 and receive 50% off guaranteed production prices of the Aero X.

Anything Else? The 9-5 is not jet-inspired, or jet-derived, or jet-powered, or jet-fast either.

  1. It is true the saab 9-5 has been around much too long, but for its time when it was derived in 1997-98 replacing the 9000, it was one of the fastest sedans’ on the road, and even still packing a 260 hp motor with 258 lb-ft of torque that will blow the god damn pants off any 3 series beamer, which it competes with in as far as price. Further the 9-5 is extremely well equipped with active head restraints an outstanding harmon kardon sound system, ventalated and heated seats and automatic dual climate control. Not too mention that the 9-5 Aero corners cirles around the 5 series bmw. Finally the 9-5 Aero is loaded standard with every feature except for god damn xenons, which are extra in a visability package.

  2. The car is definitely aging but in all honestly for being a 10 or 11 year old design it has held up remarkably well. The interior is most dated but the car is more comfortable, has better acceleration and a much better sound system than my friend’s new 3 series. She’s an old girl but she doesn’t deserve placement on this list.

  3. Sadly, I retain a soft spot for this one, finding it more likable than the more up-to-date (if only in a relative sense) 9-3. It retains more of the personality that made Saabs likably unique. If only they hadn’t uglied up the front end…

  4. Sadly, I retain a soft spot for this one, finding it more likable than the more up-to-date (if only in a relative sense) 9-3. It retains more of the personality that made Saabs likably unique. If only they hadn't uglied up the front end…

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