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Oh… sorry, what was that? It appears you caught me napping in the middle of a post. Ford’s Taurus, nee Five Hundred, will put you to sleep, as well. It is for that reason – almost solely for that reason – that the Taurus is forced into the shame of Bad 8 membership.

With dozens of makes and hundreds of models on the road, added to the hundreds of different older vehicles still roaming, the Taurus still holds a firm grasp on the lowly title of Car Most Likely Not To Be Noticed Driving By. True, the likelihood of pedestrians taking notice may increase as sales of the Taurus decrease and it becomes a rare sight; in a twisted boring Lamborghini sense.

Ford now equips the Taurus with a much better engine than what once was true. CNNMoney suggests that this full-size sedan is the safest car on the road, as judged by its perfect scores at NHTSA and IIHS crash tests. Space inside the Taurus is plentiful and well-appointed. But….

I’m falling asleep again. The driver of a Ford Taurus is unengaged. Lifeless steering, wallowy ride and handling, unresponsive dynamics, and uninspiring visuals are traits that combine to make the Taurus a great car…. in a different era. Which era; I’m not sure. But it must have been true at some point.


Alternatives: Chrysler 300, Toyota Avalon, Honda Accord, Hyundai Azera

Necessary Incentivizing To Switch To The Good 12: $4000 cash on the hood. The car isn’t terrible – but the alternatives at its MSRP are undoubtedly much better.

Anything Else? Check out Ford’s full-size options in Australia, the Falcon & Fairlane, and tell me if their appeal isn’t 10x stronger.